Frustrated...

Every once in awhile I have a pity party for myself about the embryos. Then I buck up and move on. I never really share it with anyone except maybe Rob. I can't change what has happened. I just get frustrated and honestly I get frustrated because no one knows how I feel. I'm just not and neither is Rob as vocal about issues plaguing us. I just hate it when people play a victim. I see it way too often. I'm too independent and selfless to constantly wallow in grief. Usually I make the choice to move on, I don't let others dictate my life. Life doesn't grant pardons so you move on. But every once in awhile, I get searing angry. Maybe I'm just frustrated about other things and maybe I just have PMS but every so often I just get downright mad that I had to make such a choice and we will never raise those babies. It is so hard as a mother to let go of something that feels not just close to you but a part of you. It reminds me of that aching empty feeling I experienced with the miscarriages. The loss of something that takes so much a part of you with it! I'm proud of my decision and I know it is something that I can live with and am proud to live with but man is it hard at times. It feels good to get it on paper.

Tomorrow is another day...