National Adoption Awareness Month!!

So November is National Adoption Awareness Month and it brings tears to my eyes to think of our life without Gabriella in it. So I'll tell you our story about adoption.

Rob and I knew early on we wanted kids and never really talked specifically about how many. We were married in June of 2002 and began to try to get pregnant about a year and a half later. It happened fast! I found out I was pregnant in December of 2003. I was beyond thrilled and Rob was almost delirious. Everything went perfectly. We got to see the heartbeat on the ultrasound, it was fast and strong. I'll never forget seeing that little tiny heart beating on the screen. It was in my eighth week (February) that I began to bleed very lightly and I can feel that pain rising even as I type this. We did an ultrasound and the little heart was still beating but the baby was tiny and looked different. I knew it was over. I stayed home from work but began to bleed very heavily the next day and went back to the doctor and she rushed me into surgery that day because I was bleeding too bad and she thought I might hemorrage. So I had a D&C and physically, the pain wasn't bad. Emotionally, Rob and I were absolutely devastated. Rob grieved hard. It was after this pregnancy that my endocrinologist discovered a 7mm prolactinoma (benign tumor) on my pituitary gland. I had an MRI and was put on Dostinex for which I will have to stay on for the rest of my life. I have to have an MRI every year to make sure the tumor has not grown and an echocardiogram as well because my medication can cause heart valve problems. I do not know if breastfeeding is an option for me because it could cause my prolactin to rise and the tumor grow. I have to be monitored very closely if I do get pregnant. The doctor thinks the surge in hormones from the pregnancy is what caused the tumor to form.

It was almost a year later we got pregnant again. We were pretty shocked and I had been so sick with the flu. It was January 2005 and again we were thrilled. This time I only made it to six weeks and physically this miscarriage was awful. I did not have to have a D&C but lost a lot of blood and felt faint and weak for about a week. It was awful. We started thinking something was wrong. We did a post-coital test and proceeded to do three rounds of Clomid, all failed and I had lots of eggs so that wasn't the problem. We then moved on to Nashville Fertility Center which I, and this is my opinion alone, don't recommend. I has to do the most painful HSG test among other blood tests/exams. He recommended an IUI/Gonal-F. We started the shots and I had three great eggs. It worked, I was pregnant for the third time in November of 2005. I began to bleed on Christmas Eve. This pregnancy was also ectopic and I had to have a double shot of methotrexate. Something happened inside me, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart.

I began to research adoption, specifically International adoption that December when I knew that this pregnancy wasn't going to make it. I wanted more than anything in my entire life to be a mother. I realized that it did not matter if this child was biologically my child, that is not what makes a family anyway. I just wanted to love a child. Oddly throughout all of our struggles, we had never talked about adoption. I knew that this was where we would find our son or daughter. I stumbled upon Guatemala in my research and fell in love with these children. Are they not the most stunning children you have ever seen. I have never known anything else so strongly in all my life. On Christmas Day I was bleeding heavily but had a bright spot in my heart. I remember showing Rob's mom pictures of the babies in Guatemala. Looking back, I know she probably thought I was off my rocker as I was in the middle of a miscarriage. My family worried about me and thought I might need the time to grieve. By this time though Rob and I were certain about adopting and we were both certain that Guatemala was it. I KNEW it! I NEVER looked back or doubted my decision. NEVER! That is the reason that I put up the Rascal Flatts lyrics because I feel like the Lord "was shaping our heart for the day we found you." Gabriella is not of our creation, she is our child by God's design.

We had thought it would be about a year before we decided to adopt for monetary reasons. I researched and researched and kept narrowing my search for agencies. In the end, I had three and really just followed my heart. If ever do adopt again, we will use Celebrate Children Int'l for our placing agency. We used Catholic Charities for our homestudy. We LOVED Sue at CCI, she is so great! But Rob and I were getting impatient. We decided to take out a loan and go for it. On April 4, 2006 we had our first meeting with Catholic Charities. So the paperchase began. It was so much stuff and we had to notarize so much stuff. We received our referral on June 14th, she was two days old. Rob and I were absolutely on cloud nine. We were going to be parents to the most beautiful angel in the world. It was a high I've never experienced. Almost like living in a dream, Rob and I began to prepare for this little being that was going to be OUR child forever. We went to visit over Labor Day and the first time I held Gabby, I again felt like it was so unreal that I was dreaming. After all our struggles, would we really be parents to this beautiful child. It felt perfect. Gabriella was a delight in every way. She has a smile that lights up the room and the most enchanting personality of any child I've ever met. She was MEANT for us!! We brought her home December 2, 2006 and as it comes up on a year, I just cannot believe the changes she has made in our life and in our marriage.

We are a family and life with her feels so perfect. We want to give Gabriella siblings. We recently did IVF which sadly failed but we have 11 perfect little embryos frozen in time. I really like the Center for Reproductive Health and all my testing was much less painful and much more thorough. I'm trying desperately to lose weight so we can do an FET next year. I do not know the reason for my three miscarriages or my inability to get pregnant through IVF or Clomid.

But right now, life is perfect for us. We get to spend quality time with our little boo who gave us the greatest joy, that of being parents to the sweetest, kindest, most darling little angel that has captured mine and Rob's heart. Even now when she says mama and looks up at me, it melts my heart. Adoption is life. Adoption is a dream fulfilled. It truly is a miracle. And please say a prayer for those families waiting in Guatemala for their babies. Adoption is uncertain going into 2008 with Guatemala. It breaks my heart.

Gabriella, we love you and you enrich our lives everyday.

I stayed home with Gabby today and we had such a fun day! We had lollipops, made brownies, went shopping, played dress-up and did puzzles. She was coughing and I just did not want her in daycare today. She is such a great baker...well okay taster!!! Check out the slideshow of our day!!